HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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