So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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