How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
