I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
