If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
He told me they were just razor bumps!
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
