Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
