Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
