i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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