He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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