I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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