Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
