dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
