duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
