he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
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