just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
