The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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