thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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