It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
