honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
