You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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