My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Randomize
