Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
