I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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