her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
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