we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
