Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
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