In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
