I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I puked a lego.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
