she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
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