So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
