i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
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We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left