At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
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Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.