I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
i used baking grease as lip gloss
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.