pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
