I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
