Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
