So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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