dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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