Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Randomize
