Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
