Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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