God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
