addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
