Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
