I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
