# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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