Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
