She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I am naked and annoyed.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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