I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
