I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
as a side note pls kill me
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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