Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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