The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Randomize
