Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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