So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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