I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
