So drunk its hurt
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
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