I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
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