I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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