So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
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We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
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So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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