We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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