nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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