i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
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