i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize