Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
