I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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