i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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