I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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