how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
