I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
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