You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
