Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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