woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
