My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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