Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
