grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
