i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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