One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
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