I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
